My Year of Kintsugi: 
Acknowledging My Wounded Inner Child

KINTSUGI

/kin•tsoo•gee/

 Kintsugi is a Japanese art form intended to repair broken pottery using lacquer mixed with powdered gold. The damage and rejoining reflects the history of the object. The gold is intended to highlight the journey of the object and not disguise the broken pieces.

The golden rejoining.

Art reflecting life.

We all have moments in life that break us and often, instead of taking space to acknowledge the circumstances, their impact, and honor how we truly feel or who we're becoming now as a result of the experience, we rush to mend and cover up the damage. Fear of judgment, shame and other "stuff" creeps in and distorts our perception of the truth: there is beauty in the cracks and contrasting moments of life.

Kintsugi was not only the inspiration for the jacket I designed for my boudoir photo shoot I coordinated for my 37th birthday, but this philosophy became the very approach for me to intentionally practice shaking the shame and making peace with the many broken pieces I had been disguising in my own life up to that point.

I wrote often and chose boudoir photography to visually document this internal commitment I was making with and for myself. I still cannot find words to describe the discomfort of this process. I also have not found a way to articulate how grateful I am, how brave and liberated I feel - finally. What I do know for sure is that we blossom at our own pace and there will be different people, places, practices to help us evolve from and make peace with our broken pieces. But take it from me:

NEVER hide pieces of your story...they're what made you the beautiful work of art that you are!

NEVER diminish your own light.

I am so thankful for my year of Kintsugi and all that has come and gone as a result of this practice. I am purposefully pursuing pleasure in all life areas now, it's a new me.

The golden rejoining.

My Art May Cause You To Feel

I want my new creative direction and enrichment offerings to incorporate elements of nature and interdisciplinary collaborations. Additionally, it is important for me to use written, sonic and visual language to design provocative, interactive spaces that help expose us to those abandoned parts of self.

I've lived through countless experiences that have given fear permission to take up space in my life. Fear's extended stay has kept me trapped in situations because the clarity that came from comfort, outweighed my desires to stretch for more of what exists in the unknown. Fear also caused me to abandon younger, unnurtured parts of myself.

Can you relate?

The Vision

The Integrated Self

For this chapter of my life, I'll tap into the innate strengths of my "four selves" who have, in their own way, played a role in activating the inner prowess of others...but now, I need them! So please meet Hunter, Khalia, Nik, and Mari.

Together, they support me in acknowledging my mind and body when fear is attempting to take center stage. Fear often does this when I'm exploring something for the first time or revisiting what makes my soul sing, but I regretfully put away because it didn't initially unfold how I intended.

Fear creeps in when I take steps to show the many sides of myself that I rarely let run free for the world to see - but no more! I'm making some changes around here - for my own growth, and to move humanity forward. Please, BARE With Me!

- Ms. Marisha

Khalia

Reclaiming the Divine Feminine

Khalia, the divine feminine spirit, has journeyed through shadows cast by religion and experienced the pain of suppressed desires. Shy and introverted, she's struggled to accept her body and femininity due to years of indoctrination. Her experiences left her disconnected from her sensuality and intimacy. But now, her path leads her towards healing and rediscovering her power. With fragrances that awaken her senses and touch that rekindles her soul, Khalia embarks on a journey to embrace the full spectrum of her femininity. Through intimate conversations, tantra, and role-playing, she's learning to let go of the shame and guilt ingrained in her by society's standards. As she explores touch and intimacy in their various forms, she's reclaiming her body and building a connection to her inner wisdom. Khalia's story is one of transformation—a journey from shame to self-acceptance and a revival of her connection to the divine feminine within.

  • Khalia's journey is one of rediscovering her own identity and femininity, which had been suppressed by shadows of religion and shame. Shy and disconnected from her desires, she faced the scars of sexual trauma and a profound disconnection from her own body. The weight of her religious upbringing had cast a long shadow over her life, causing her to feel guilty and unworthy of pleasure. Awakening to her inner power, Khalia embarked on a journey of healing and self-love. She confronted the guilt and shame, allowing herself to explore touch and intimacy in its many forms. Embracing both her dominant and submissive energies, Khalia began to construct her own identity around femininity and power. She also recognized her role as a future mother, seeing her most important work as nurturing her unborn children and breaking generational cycles. Fragrances that awaken the senses, designing spaces, and exploring intimacy became Khalia's tools for returning to harmony. Dance parties in her living room became a celebration of her newfound freedom, and dressing up to enjoy good food in unique spaces allowed her to connect with her sensuality. Khalia's journey became a testament to the strength of the divine feminine within her.

  • Khalia is learning to let go of:

    • the idea that femininity has to be demonstrated in particular way/that it “looks” like something specific - a mind and emotional state developed from representations in the media

    • guilt/shame around sex/intimacy/pleasure/desire which came from religious upbringing and sexual abuse in early childhood

    • long-term emotional unavailability/lack of authentic connection with others which came from emotionally unavailable parents

  • Essential SOULutions to Return to Harmony:

    • fragrances that awaken the senses

    • designing home and community spaces

    • exploring intimacy (conversations, tantra, role playing)

    • having dance parties, alone in the living room

    • dressing up to enjoy good food in a unique space

Hunter

Saving Superwoman

Hunter, a fierce and relentless competitor, carries a spark of intensity that sets her apart. She thrives on challenges and knows no fear in the face of obstacles. Her brash exterior masks a deep vulnerability—a survival instinct she adopted as a black woman striving to prove herself in a world that demands more. She's realizing the weight of her identity as the unyielding superwoman, who believes she must be strong at all times. However, her journey is steering her towards the power of vulnerability and the beauty of authenticity.

With the roar of rap and hip-hop beats blaring in her car, Hunter finds solace in long drives and invigorating physical activities. These outlets help her strip away the armor she's worn for so long. She's learning to embrace her multifaceted self, balancing strength with vulnerability, and championing the reconnection with her own emotions. She's letting go of the need for constant perfection and the fear of failure, replacing them with the freedom to explore and the courage to express her authentic self.

  • Hunter's story is one of unapologetic strength and determination. Growing up as an athletic, black girl in a town devoid of representation, she became a force to be reckoned with. With an aggressive and persistent nature, Hunter was a competitor, a survivor, and a natural leader. Her journey was marked by a burning desire to win, to prove herself in a world that often overlooked her. But underneath the tough exterior was a woman grappling with the weight of her own expectations and a fear of vulnerability.

    As she matured, Hunter recognized that her identity as the unbreakable superwoman was both a shield and a burden. Through a series of introspective moments, she began to confront the attachment to her masculine energy and the fear of failure that had driven her for so long. With a new definition of courage, Hunter embraces self-discovery and restoration. To navigate life in a healthier way, Hunter turned to her passions. Long drives with loud music became her escape, a way to channel her energy and reconnect with herself. Physical activities like basketball and boxing allowed her to release tension and embrace her strength in a more holistic manner. She found solace in intimate social gatherings with loved ones, where she could be herself without pretense.

  • Hunter is learning to let go of:

    • her identity as the superwoman, the strong friend, the always has to have it together girl, which likely developed from existing in “survival mode” as the black woman who has to work twice as hard at anything to advance or be seen/feel valued

    • outwardly accolades for accomplishments, egodriven behavior from being an athlete

    • attachment to her masculine energy that she uses in many environments as a form of protection, strength, etc.

    • fear of failure

  • Essential SOULutions to Return to Harmony:

    • long drives

    • loud music

    • physical activity (basketball, boxing)

    • intimate social events with loved ones

Nik

Returning Humanity Back Home - To Harmony

Nik, the compassionate teacher and guide, possesses a deep wisdom that resonates with those around her. Her genuine interest in others often leads her to prioritize their needs above her own, a pattern she's realizing is rooted in the idea that self-worth comes from perpetual struggle. She's been grappling with conforming to professional norms, suppressing her playful and authentic self for the sake of acceptance. Yet, her path is guiding her towards reclaiming her authenticity and creating spaces that facilitate growth and connection. In her pursuit of balance, Nik finds solace in learning new things, indulging in stand-up comedy, and cherishing heartfelt moments with loved ones. By embracing the joy of exploration and laughter, she's breaking free from the "Good Samaritan" syndrome, learning to prioritize her own well-being alongside the needs of others.

  • Nik's story is one of finding harmony through self-discovery, embracing authenticity, and weaving her wisdom into a tapestry of communal growth. Nik's story is one of guidance and growth, as she navigates the complexities of being a teacher and a natural leader. Known for her diplomacy, deep listening skills, and thoughtful insights, she had often placed the needs of others before her own. The "Good Samaritan" syndrome led her to overcommitment and an unbalanced sense of self-worth. Recognizing the need for change, Nik began to reimagine what it means to be a teacher and a leader. She allowed herself to bring her playful side into her work, acknowledging that authenticity is key to meaningful connections. As she explored new subjects and watched stand-up comedy, Nik found solace in learning and laughter. Naps and exchanging memes with loved ones became her essential SOULutions for returning to harmony. Nik's journey became a testament to the power of authenticity and self-care, as she embraced her role in guiding others while also honoring her own needs and desires.

  • Nik is learning to let go of:

    • the “Good Samaritan syndrome” or feeling like one's worth comes from struggle/over commitment to the cause/community, which came from religion/family/ society’s scripts that “money is the root of all evil” and doing for the good of humanity is to be prioritized over self, prosperity, etc.

    • can’t be authentic self in a “professional setting” so conforming is what accelerates growth and what’s expected/accepted in professional life which came from conservative views on how to present in the workplace.

  • Essential SOULutions to Return to Harmony:

    • learning new things (almost anything)

    • watching stand up comedy and documentaries

    • exchanging memes/ gifs with loved ones

    • naps

Mari

The Unapologetic Creator

Mari, with her audacious demeanor and unapologetic confidence, radiates a captivating energy that draws people in. She exudes leadership and artistic flair, commanding attention without reservation. Beneath her assertive exterior, she's yearning to shed the notion that play and imagination are exclusive to childhood. She's exploring her artistic spirit, unburdening herself from the "starving artist" mentality, and embracing her intuitive foresight. Nature serves as Mari's sanctuary, whether she's wandering the desert, countryside, or beach. Surrounded by the beauty of the world, she's inspired to channel her creative energy into the arts, interior design, and even augmented reality. As she reconnects with her intuitive nature and lets go of self-imposed limitations, Mari's journey becomes a testament to embracing play, imagination, and the powerful gift of discernment that resides within her. Mari's journey is one of creative expression and audacious exploration.

  • With a Queen Bee energy, she exudes confidence and passion in everything she does. Her sassy and sarcastic demeanor masks a deep and purposeful approach to life. As someone who finds inspiration in the details of existence, Mari's work reflects the authentic and relatable moments of the human experience. Growing up with an intuitive nature that she often felt she had to suppress, Mari's journey was about embracing her gifts and her identity as a creator. She shed the starving artist mentality and allowed herself to fully explore her artistic passions, even without traditional credentials. Through a dynamic fusion of mediums, Mari's art became a reflection of her unapologetic authenticity. Nature, the arts, and creative collaboration became Mari's pathways to returning to harmony. In the desert, countryside, and by the beach, she found the space to reconnect with her creative essence. Surrounding herself with fellow creatives and immersing herself in interior design and architecture, Mari's journey became a testament to the power of embracing her own audacious possibilities.

    As she matured, Hunter recognized that her identity as the unbreakable superwoman was both a shield and a burden. Through a series of introspective moments, she began to confront the attachment to her masculine energy and the fear of failure that had driven her for so long. With a new definition of courage, Hunter embraces self-discovery and restoration. To navigate life in a healthier way, Hunter turned to her passions. Long drives with loud music became her escape, a way to channel her energy and reconnect with herself. Physical activities like basketball and boxing allowed her to release tension and embrace her strength in a more holistic manner. She found solace in intimate social gatherings with loved ones, where she could be herself without pretense.

  • Mari is learning to let go of:

    • the notion that play and imagination is simply childlike behavior which came from family, work, and society’s scripts about “adulting”

    • the starving artist mentality particularly with no credentials or professional experience in traditional arts which came from social scripts and an internal belief that she has to pursue “artistic” endeavors in a particular way

    • she was “crazy” for her intuitive nature/ foresight that was accessible since early childhood which came from no access to resources, people, language outside of “church” that could support the knowledge and development of this gift of discernment

  • Essential SOULutions to Return to Harmony:

    • nature (desert, countryside, beach...in that order)

    • the arts

    • interior design/ architecture

    • augmented reality

    • creating/being in company with creatives

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